By Larry Belote
In the movies, the “Silent Partner” is usually some shadowy, evil figure lurking in the background to make things happen. In real life, the “Silent Partner” is still often in the background making things happen, but the figure is anything but evil. In the case of us blinded veterans, our “Silent Partners” are our spouses and other family members.
These individuals have taken up driving duties. They also watch our medications and pay the bills. Then they get to hear us complain when we are upset, and they are the brunt of our ravings when we are frustrated or depressed with our sight loss. This is hardly fair to them, but it nevertheless happens.
Why are these loved ones willing to take on these responsibilities? First, they agreed to do so “in sickness and in health till death do us part.” I am sure there are times that my wife wants to speed up the process toward the latter event. Yes, I am just kidding about what you just read, but I wrote it to emphasize the point.
I believe that our spouses know that if the tables were reversed, if they were visually impaired or had other health problems, we would be willing to pick ourselves up and do the same for them. Many of our blinded veterans are indeed care providers for their spouses or other family members right now.
In short, we may always be dependent on our spouses to some extent. Is that such a bad thing? Perhaps our spouses will, in some ways, always be dependent on us too. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, even when visual impairment or some other disability is not a variable.
There are things that we can do to help our spouses, family members, and other caregivers. The more independent we are, the less our spouses have to do for us. We can go back to doing things for ourselves. We can learn to pour our own coffee again, put our dishes in the sink, and take out the trash. Many of us, with the right training and low vision aids, are able to write checks and answer mail once again. If you have not tried any of this yet, get with your Visual Impairment Services Team (VIST) Coordinator to discuss how you might receive blind rehabilitation training.
I always tell my VIST patients to be good to their spouses because they are going to need them. This is good advice for me also. I do not always make the effort or take the time to do this myself. When I start thinking about this subject, I sometimes feel that I have received a real wake-up call.
As we prepare for the BVA 61st National Convention in Buffalo, New York, we are planning on discussions on many relevant issues within the realm of blind rehabilitation. If we run out of things to discuss on that subject, there are plenty of other interesting issues and events of a more general nature that we can also banter about.
All of these things have their place, but I would like to think that this year we would borrow a popular phrase from politics. We constantly hear about family values. This year I think we as blinded veterans could reverse the two words and make the phrase into a sentence: Value families. We all need to take the time to thank our spouses, children, and others who stand by us, in thick and in thin, in good times and in bad, and when we act like angels or otherwise. We could not make it without them, and we need to let them know that we appreciate them.
By now, you may think you have been reading the wrong column. You may think that the Bulletin editor has mistakenly included a column from Dr. Phil, not President Larry. Nevertheless, this is such an important topic to me personally that I have felt compelled to cover it here. I am looking forward to seeing all of you and your families in Buffalo. Stay well, talk with your VIST Coordinators, and make an effort today and every day to go out of your way to do something kind for those who have been especially kind to you. |
